Your text isn’t answered for a while, you see a meeting invite on your calendar without context, your car starts making a sound you don’t recognize; what goes through your mind?

If thinking about these scenarios makes you immediately uncomfortable, we see you. When things shift and uncertainty arises, there may be a part of your mind that wants to fill in the blanks, and sometimes those blanks aren’t filled with neutral or positive possibilities.

It can be natural to lean toward the worst-case scenario and run through the details of how these situations that are not alarming in themselves can signal a more significant challenge ahead.

You may start to feel worry or fear that you did something wrong, that things won’t work out, or that you’re up against a complex and costly process. For any high achiever who’s used to adversity or having to work for what they want, they may have the reflex to assume the worst as a way to begin controlling the situation before the outcome is known.

For example, if you suspect that noise in your car is the first sign that you’re going to break down on the side of the road, you may start operating like you’re about to be without a car and in a dangerous situation to make sure you’re never caught off guard. While being prepared and proactive isn’t a bad thing, the overthinking, anxiety, and living on high alert can add up.

Assuming the worst isn’t a personal flaw or a choice to be negative in any way, but it may mean that your brain is wired to see where things can go wrong, and not so much where things are really good. It makes sense when you understand how your nervous system is processing stressful situations and start to get curious about where you can allow in other possibilities that aren’t sending you into a dysregulated state so quickly.

Why is assuming the worst used as a protective method?

It’s so important to begin with grounding in the reminder that assuming the worst is a common tool that our nervous systems may adapt to navigate complicated situations and not a mental health condition to be fixed if that's not where you're at.

The brain’s main priority is always survival, so getting into fight, flight, fawn, or freeze mode is the best way we know to address a potential threat. As humans, we’ve learned to scan our surroundings for danger to stay safe long before we learned to savor happy moments and stay present.

As you imagine the scenario of a friend not answering your text in an abnormally long amount of time, you can logically see how this isn’t a threat to your survival. However, your mind may perceive the fear of abandonment, of disappointing others, of conflict, or of disconnection as a real danger. So, of course, your thought patterns will form to address the threat in some way, and for a lot of us, that’s to imaginehow bad this situation can get and be ready for it.

A great read for more on the protective parts we develop: What is Parts Work, Anyway? Understanding Yourself on a Whole New Level

Learning to protect by preparing at an early age

Assuming the worst is a habit that kicks in automatically in adults when uncertain or stressful situations arise, and it may be linked to how we learned to cope at a younger age. Maybe you grew up in an environment where you couldn’t predict emotional reactions in other people, you felt the pressure not to make a mistake, or you were more likely to get praise and feel connected when things went smoothly.

Naturally, any child or young adult would pick up on the way being prepared for the worst or at least knowing what possibilities could happen, can help them gain a sense of control. For some of us, we may also experience a life event that shocks us because we never saw it coming or anticipated how intense it would feel. That can similarly shift your perspective to assume the worst, so you never have to feel unprepared again.

A related read that can build understanding: What Hypervigilance Really Is: When Your Mind Never Stops Scanning for Danger

There are probably many times when being one step ahead really helped, subtly building the weight on your shoulders over time. Everyone’s experience is so different, but for many of us, there may be an opportunity to ask where the strength of preparation and awareness can live alongside grounding and trust.

Anyone familiar with attachment styles in building healthy relationships and meaningful connections might also see this way of thinking as one factor that builds insecure attachment. An anxious attachment style will tend to need more reassurance and outward processing to avoid feeling distant or hurt.

Let’s begin by understanding different ways that assuming the worst can impact your thought process in a moment of uncertainty.

How the mind can get to negative thinking patterns

Imagine this: It’s halfway through your day, and you receive a text from a family member who doesn’t usually text you, saying, “Can you please call me as soon as possible?”

Without explanation, your mind may immediately start running with what it could mean before you take action to call.

What happens next can look so different depending on your internal experience, the context you pull in, your current state of mind, and how you’ve handled things in the past.

What happens next isn’t universal—and that’s the point. The moment is the same, but the internal experience can look very different depending on your history, nervous system, and learned coping strategies. Using this same situation of receiving a cryptic and urgent text from your family member, let’s look at some of the ways you may notice worst-case thinking.

Jumping straight to catastrophe

One common response is to immediately jump to all possible worst-case scenarios that flood your mind one after the other:

“Someone is hurt.”
“Something terrible happened.”
“I missed something important.”
“There’s news impacting my family.”
“Someone’s mad at me.”

When you’re looping through scary thoughts, you may notice your body starts to react as if they’re playing out in your reality. You could sense your heart beating faster, your stomach dropping or twisting, thoughts racing and making it hard to concentrate, warmth rushing to your face or other parts of your body, tightness in your chest, and other signals of dysregulation.

When the body responds, it’s gearing up to face the danger it feels is very real, which makes it much harder to regain a sense of calm until we either confirm what the call is about or allow ourselves to feel safe in the unknown.

Feeling the fear subtly, but feeling how heavy it can be

Not everyone will experience that more heightened escalation that they can feel throughout their mind and body. Often, the response to not knowing what’s ahead can be a little more contained, but still emphasizes the negative aspects of the situation.

You can find yourself thinking:

“This probably isn’t something good.”
“I knew something was coming.”
“Things have been going too smoothly. Something had to happen.”
“I can’t believe I thought today was a good day. I should have known.”

Assumptions may not be as escalated, but they can still cause discomfort that shifts your entire nervous system state from calm to alertness, and then to worry that lingers. Those assumptions may also reinforce a narrative that “nothing good lasts”, or the thought that when you focus on the good or even neutral things in life, something will catch you off guard.

Turning the worry inward

Sometimes, assuming the worst is not necessarily about what’s going on as much as what you could be at fault for. You may find yourself jumping right to the overthinking:

“Did I do something wrong?”
“Are they upset with me?”
“Am I going to face consequences?”
“Did I miss or forget something important?”

In this case, a lot of the unknown and discomfort center around your involvement and what may happen to you in that worst-case scenario. You may find yourself scanning your mind to replay recent events or identify mistakes that could have played a role, even if you didn’t intend to make them. The assumption becomes not that something is wrong, but that you may be the reason why.

Staying logical, but emotionally guarded

It’s possible that assuming the worst can not result in a spiral moment or quick escalation on the surface. In fact, if you’re in a high-performance role or used to masking your worries, you might take in the information and feel an internal shutdown or dissociation to take the “right” steps forward and keep things moving.

You may feel a wave of discomfort flood you at first, but jump right into “doing” mode, telling yourself:

“I’ll wait to hear more, but I need space until I know what’s going on.”
“I can’t think about all the ways this can go wrong. I have too much to do.”
“It could be anything. I’ll wait to confront this when I’m alone and at home.”

You may notice yourself logically walking yourself through things and justifying why it’s not something huge, but underneath all of that, you may know you won’t be able to operate fully or open yourself to other people while this is lingering. You may feel more reserved and turn to anything that can distract you from those moments of worry that creep in. This is usually a habit learned young to stay and brace the situation until you get certainty, knowing just how painful those worst-case thoughts can be.

Some people bounce between all of these

If you’re reading these examples and see yourself in a few of them, know that we don’t expect you to ever feel you need to fit into a single box. The scenarios and thought patterns we walked through usually occur in tandem or in some combination, depending on each individual and the circumstances they’re in.

For example, at work, you may jump to pushing the call with your family member to distract with productivity while keeping your emotional guard up. If you happen to be on a lunch break, you may create more space to imagine all the possible bad ways things could go and address them head-on to continue your day.

It’s okay if this doesn’t feel formulaic, and understanding your patterns may mean taking pieces of what resonates while looking more closely at what you tend to lean toward in these situations. As you observe yourself with curiosity, you can acknowledge some of the thought cycles that keep you stuck, and others that feel more aligned to what you need.

Acknowledging our patterns in assuming the worst

As we continue the conversation, it’s important to note that sometimes there’s no real trigger to thinking of the worst. It can weave into day-to-day experiences at times we least expect, so let’s take a quick look at the many ways you may see yourself slip into that worry state.

You’re celebrating a win, then feel a flattening of emotions or wave of anxiety, followed by the thought, “Don’t get too excited, you know this won’t last.” You deserve the happiness, but a part of you may have learned that hope can come with risk.
You feel calm yet uneasy, not knowing why, because something about the quiet makes you think you may be missing something. Instead of relaxing, you may be subtly waiting for whatever is coming.
You finally slow down or rest, but anxiety won’t stop because not “doing” can cause your nervous system to scan for what you might be missing, and the discomfort takes over the restoration.

If you relate to not being able to rest, this blog can break it down: The Cost of Postponing Rest: The Impact on Mind & Body

You feel close to someone else and notice something pulling you back inside, wondering, “What if this changes?” or “What if I lose this?” You may even begin to brace for the worst and create distance to avoid being hurt or caught off guard.
Having a good day and then feeling inexplicably low or guarded, as if the nervous system doesn’t fully trust that ease is allowed to last.
You reach a milestone or crush a big goal, but find yourself jumping right back to a sense of pressure and discomfort. You may think, “Now I have to keep this up,” or “What if I can’t do it again?” in a way that turns the current good moment into a fixation on threats in the future.

On the topic, you might be interested in reading: Releasing the Pressure: How to Recognize When You’re Being Too Hard on Yourself

Why imagining the best can feel unsafe

Even when you can pinpoint how your mind may be leading you to scan for risks or issues, it can also be extremely uncomfortable to consider a neutral or positive outcome instead. That’s why “think positive” is not an easy solution, and we want to validate you if you’ve been told things like this in the past by others who may not fully see the extent of this protective pattern you’ve relied on.

You’re not wrong to hesitate about jumping to hope. Many worst-case thinkers are leaning into the negative possibilities because they’ve experienced those unwanted outcomes as their truth in the past. It’s unfair to tell someone who’s suffered in the past that thinking about what could go right in that moment would have led to a different result.

A big part of this realization is separating the work from believing our thoughts control what happens, and understanding how our thoughts impact how we manage experiences. Deciding not to let uncertainty about what will happen sentence us to a bad outcome takes vulnerability.

Imagining how something could work out for the best may be risking disappointment or being wrong. It can also be a way to feel relief from that internal turmoil until a negative outcome is confirmed. You may not be ready to authentically believe something positive can happen, but a good step forward could be to start allowing your nervous system to soften enough to feel safe in the moment where you aren’t sure what comes next.

The middle ground: Best case vs worst case thinking

Finding the middle ground between never considering a negative outcome and jumping into the spiral of worst-case thinking is simply flexibility. When we engage in flexible thinking, there’s space to consider multiple outcomes and trust our ability to handle what’s ahead.

Flexibility can allow you to focus less on predicting and preparing for threats and instead know that you will respond if and when the situation in your mind unfolds.

In a flexible mindset, “What’s the worst that could happen?” can turn into:

“What are a few different ways this could go?”
“Is there anything I can really control right now, or should I be patient?”
“What evidence do I have right now, and what am I filling in without much to go on?”
“If this doesn’t go how I want it to, what supports would I have?”
“Can I notice how not knowing feels, without letting it take over?”

You’re not ignoring the reality that things very well could go wrong or in a way you didn’t expect, but you’re also not letting that dysregulation overwhelm your system when certain situations play out in a way that no one can possibly predict. Knowing that uncertainty is an element of life, you can better manage how you want to handle those in-between moments.

An example to envision

You don’t hear from a friend in a while, and you start running through the reasons they might be mad at you, wondering what you did. Instead of letting that take over and feeling like you can’t concentrate on anything else, flexible thinking may prompt you to turn inward and remember that you would never do anything intentionally. You may also consider that your friend could be going through something themselves and needs space that isn’t your fault.

So, when you do hear from them again, you’re not jumping to conclusions or feeling on guard, but can express how you’ve noticed the disconnection and want to be sure they know there's someone to talk to. That way, you’ve done what’s in your control without letting the in-between period of not knowing cause you to live in an increased stress state or funnel into more thinking on potential bad outcomes around you.

4 ways to gently allow yourself to imagine something new

If you’re interested in trying out more flexible thinking but aren’t sure how to do that in the moment when things already feel heightened, we’ve got you covered.

1. Name the protective intention

When you start assuming the worst, you don’t have to label that as wrong. Instead, you might be able to bring curiosity and compassion to the protective parts of you coming out in the best way they know how.

This could sound like telling yourself:

“Of course you’re going there, you’re just trying to stay on top of the situation.”
“I’m grateful for the way you’re trying to protect me.”
“There you go again, it’s what you know how to do in these situations so I don’t blame you.”

This type of self-language can help you avoid judging or blaming yourself for falling into a familiar pattern. You may be okay with tolerating the discomfort of worry in this moment, or let this compassionate response to yourself open up other ways things can go. Slowing things down can help your nervous system reground, even momentarily, in either case.

If you’re curious about more grounding techniques, check out: How Does the Nervous System Function? Ways to Regulate

2. Add options to your view

You don’t have to call it a draw when you’re already living in the worst-case scenario thinking. At any point, you may be able to invite in options. So yes, this is one way things can go, but so are many other things.

You may only be able to think about one or two more in the moment, but any space for something that isn’t the “worst” leads you to broaden your point of view. In the example where you’re feeling the worry of something bad happening inevitably after feeling content for a while, you can ask yourself if there are any ways this could go where you can remain content or even feel more good come to you.

If you’re not quite there yet, you could also wonder about how you could see your strengths and skills come into play to tackle something unexpected popping up so that it’s not the worst possible outcome, but something a little bit more approachable.

3. Try to go from in your head to embodiment

A lot of the time, we miss the signals that our body is feeling discomfort or bracing for what could happen. If you start to notice tension, speaking quickly, shortness of breath, or temperature changes, you can also drop into your body to find comfort. When we’re in a pattern of assuming the worst, we’re in our heads. Our minds are leading the charge because the scenarios we’re reacting to are hypothetical and thought-based.

When your body reacts, it feels like the scenarios are or will become real, so it’s preparing you for battle. If you can tend to those small signals of feeling unsafe within your body, you can start to drop out of your mind enough to feel the sensation of physical safety. If your body stays tense, your mind will continue to look for threats, while a calmer body can remind you that there’s more to see.

A few ways to access that can include:

Place a hand on your chest and observe your breath patterns, slowing them where possible
Extend your exhales to be longer than your inhales
Offer yourself a self-hug or clasp your hands together to feel that comfort in physical touch
Scan for tension, rolling out, and stretching parts of your body that are the tightest

4. Regroup after certainty arrives

Sometimes the awareness settles in after you’ve gone through a bit of a mental spiral, and whatever happened has passed. It’s still helpful to look back at how things escalated when you started to look for what could go wrong and notice what the outcome truly was.

In some instances, you may have had a gut feeling that turned out to be disappointing or unexpected news landing in your lap. In others, you may see where you expected that to happen, but were able to get some relief when you learned all the information.

You can also use this retroactive curiosity when the threat is more about bad things coming, even if you’re not sure what they’ll be or which situation or moment they’re tied to. If you feel like you have to keep your guard up, you can start to notice when you are actively looking for something to go wrong or making more of experiences than needed to feel relief from constantly scanning and waiting for the threat to come.

One example of this could be when someone senses, after a big promotion, that the excitement can’t last and starts searching for where things in life will backslide. That individual might look for problems every day instead of enjoying the deserved leap in their career. They may also notice things are actually going okay and look outside of work at news stories about companies making cuts or a big expense hitting the family to justify that loud inner narrative screaming, “of course you couldn’t really land somewhere and feel secure for long.”

If you’re able to reflect and check in, you may notice this protective mechanism coming online and give yourself permission to enjoy where you are, releasing aspects of life that are out of your control.

Permission to go at your own pace

You don’t have to be ready to switch a long-term thought pattern if it’s not what serves you right now. The biggest piece of advice we can offer here is to tune in to your response when you hear about alternative ways to address uncertainty. You may feel empowered to consider leaning more into trust where you can, because the negative thought patterns have impacted you and others for too long. You may also not feel that way at all, wanting to preserve your strengths of being proactive and taking this as an opportunity to better understand why.

Going at your own pace to explore new ways of seeing the world (if at all) is what will lead you to that true nervous system grounding and ability to feel safety. This is big work to do alone, and there are so many resources available to help you, whether that be your community, online conversations that help you feel more seen, or partnering with a therapist to help you lead with compassion as you build the relationship you have to yourself and others. There are several types of therapy and opportunities to practice bringing in and processing a positive view, while still attending to your emotional needs.

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