What is Parts Work, Anyway? Understanding Yourself on a Whole New Level
Does it ever feel like the voices in your mind are pulling you in different directions? Let’s be honest, sometimes it feels like there’s a tiny board meeting going on inside with one voice screaming “push through this, you’ve got deadlines and no time to waste”, while another whispers “just slow down, you can’t keep going like this,” and somewhere in the distance an even quieter voice is thinking, “I just want to be okay and at peace.”
This sensation of competing thoughts can totally drive you nuts, but it’s also a window into understanding yourself on a whole new level. Dr. Richard C. Schwartz, Ph.D founded Internal Family Systems (IFS) to make sense of what’s known as these various “parts” of us.
Maybe you resonate with this internal tug-of-war game, and even if you’re not able to grasp onto this voices/parts language just yet, we’ve laid out a simple introduction of it all below for you. Our therapists love helping you understand and bring together the different parts of yourself , and our coaches bring that same spirit as they’re diving into their work with our community of high-functioning professionals.
With such a complex topic, we wanted to put together a cheat sheet guide to refer back to as you reflect on your own parts and see yourself (even the parts you might not want to see) more fully over time with compassion and gratitude.
Here’s what we’ll cover:
What exactly is parts work therapy and IFS?
Where (and why) did it come about?
How parts work helps with trauma, PTSD, stress, and anxiety
What happens in a parts work session?
How can you integrate parts work into your life?
What Exactly Is Parts Work Therapy and IFS?
Let’s start with the big picture before we get into the details. Parts work therapy (often referred to as IFS) is all about seeing the mind not as one single voice, but a system of several voices or “parts” inside that drive your decisions and beliefs. Each part is an extension of you, but might be prone to its own feelings and perspective, which can make it tricky to balance out when each takes the stage. Instead, it may feel like one is in the spotlight, controlling their thoughts the most, while the others stand (or are pushed) back, until they decide to pop up and get louder.
And y’all don’t worry –this doesn’t mean you have multiple personalities. It means your inner world is more like a family where some members are louder at times and quieter in others. Some jump into action to protect you when something happens, and others stay on alert to be sure nothing happens in the first place (hello anxiety!).
It’s helpful to think of your parts as a unit or a team, where each has a role to play, even if they disagree on the best game plan to get there. Their end goal is to take care of you. This is why a core tenet of IFS is that you have no bad parts. Still, their methods may look like everything from going to extreme measures to keep you safe, carrying around old wounds so you don’t experience them again, or reminding you of your creativity, curiosity, and joy to approach challenges.
The common parts we see
Let's add more color to these parts by categorizing them into simple-to-remember groups. Each of these groups is there to help you, even if their approach doesn't quite work out as planned. All parts are needed, and as you notice, there are some you wish you could put on silent at times. That’s where we can turn to IFS as an invitation to get curious, listen closely to what these parts are asking for, and start to create space for them in a way that aligns with your most authentic self.
*Important note* The names you’ll see below (managers/firefighters/exiles) come from the IFS theory, but we want to encourage you to think of the names that resonate most with you. No part is a bad part, and sometimes the way we label them can help build that compassion to love all members of the family, even when they are driving us up the wall (we get it!)
Protective parts
If you’ve struggled with perfectionism, found yourself resorting to people pleasing, or indulged in some distractions to avoid dealing with uncomfortable feelings, you’ve likely met your unique protectors. These are the parts that work on overdrive to keep you safe, and likely picked up on some behaviors and thought patterns when you were younger that may still stick around today in adult life.
In IFS, protectors are often split into two groups:
Managers (Proactive)
Let’s meet our managers. These are your protective parts that are a bit more proactive about keeping you safe. Think about the tendencies to plan, organize, and set rules (total overprotective energy). These parts believe that if they can keep your life in order, predictable, and in control, you won’t have to feel any pain.
A few ways our managers step into everyday life:
Re-reading an email several times before you send it to make sure no one can possibly misunderstand what you’re trying to say or think any less of you
Holding in your stress when your boss asks you to turn something around even more quickly, when you already feel like you’re drowning, because you don’t want to let anyone down
Keeping a rigid diet, workout schedule, or routine that you struggle to defer from to avoid feeling “lazy”
Being nervous about an upcoming appointment and playing out all the ways it can go wrong so you’re prepared for the worst
Assuming things will probably go wrong if they’ve been good for some time, because otherwise you might be “naive” or “unrealistic”
Your managers are putting in long hours to keep you from painful, embarrassing, or uncomfortable situations, and sometimes the way they step in can cause a lot of anxiety or stress on top of what you’re already carrying. As we continue to get to know these parts, it’s essential not to wish them away but to understand why they started behaving in these ways for you and how to reassure them you’re safe (more on that below!).
Firefighters (Reactive)
Now, let’s talk about protectors you may have that are a bit more reactive. Your firefighters aren’t always thinking ahead, but they are definitely prepared to swoop in when you need them. They’re on alert to step up if a threat, discomfort, or pain persists despite your managers’ best efforts. Firefighters might try to distract you or prompt you to numb out or get angry.
A few ways our firefighters step into everyday life:
Pouring that third glass of wine after a longer day because you know it will offer some quick comfort
Staying up late scrolling Instagram, YouTube or TikTok to numb out
Snapping at your partner or roommate after a stressful workday (even though you know they didn’t cause it)
Binge-eating sugar during a bad week because “it’s already screwed up”
Relying on caffeine to get through a crazy week and work into the night when your body is screaming for exhaustion
A firefighter’s job is to put out the emotional fire as fast as possible, whatever it takes and regardless of what damage that may cause as they are putting out the fire Usually, those methods are coping mechanisms that can make you feel more disconnected. That’s because turning toward your feelings and sitting with them may make the discomfort linger. Your protectors can’t just sit there and let that happen. While we appreciate the effort, there’s a time and place for these parts too.
Exiles
Now, let’s meet the exiles, our most tender parts, which carry deep vulnerability. Think of them as younger parts holding fear, shame, grief, or loneliness that may have been with you since childhood. Sometimes you can remember the experiences that brought them in, and sometimes you can’t quite trace them back.
Exiles often didn’t receive the care or understanding they needed at the time. Because their pain feels so raw, your protective parts work hard to push them down and hide them—driven by an ingrained fear that if these exiles were to surface, their intensity might overwhelm your system. But exiled parts aren’t bad or weak. They’re simply carrying burdens they never asked for, and they need tender understanding to begin to heal.
Exiled parts can show themselves as:
A pit in your stomach when you get constructive criticism, because an exile still carries the fear of “never being good enough.”
Shutting down in social situations if you sense you’re being left out because it feels exactly like the loneliness you felt as a child.
I want to cry after a small mistake at work that isn’t huge to anyone else, but it touches on an old fear: “I’ll get in trouble if I’m not perfect.”
The sudden wave of shame that follows forgetting something minor stems from an exile's fear of being unreliable or unworthy.
-> These self kindness exercises can be an impactful step to bringing yourself compassion
Beyond the parts: Meeting the Self
So you have your protective parts (managers and firefighters) and your exiles, but IFS also talks about a part of you that is the calmest, most compassionate, grounded version of yourself. Appropriately named your “Self,” it isn’t afraid of your other parts. Instead of seeing them as overbearing or wrong, Self shows up as their leade, listening with understanding and creating safety so your parts don’t always have to take the driver’s seat.
When your parts feel safe and truly seen, understood, and cared for, something powerful happens. They can begin to release the extreme roles, painful emotions, or long-held beliefs they’ve been carrying. This is the essence of self-leadership that’s bringing curiosity, compassion, and steadiness as you relate to your inner world. Over time, this kind of relationship with your parts can shift how you navigate life and approach the diverse range of experiences that come your way.
Leading from Self looks different for each of us, but here are some examples:
Taking a moment to pause before answering a vital email and choosing to check in with how you want to respond first
Hearing your anxious protector part wanting you to over-prepare for an upcoming trip and assuring yourself instead that you’ll enjoy it most if you can be present
Offering yourself kindness after you’ve made a mistake instead of allowing it to be a moment to shame yourself for everything you’re not doing
Feeling genuine curiosity about a moment that triggers you, instead of immediately trying to think of anything else
We’ll help you get to know your Self and tap into it more and more. Of course, it would be nice to have Self lead all the time, but let’s normalize that it’s rarely the case. Choosing moments to invite yourself to lead from this genuine place can strengthen the habit and make it much easier to tap into as you face the natural ups and downs of life.
Parts working together
It might sound like one part is leading you at a time, but there’s much more flow to it. They don’t have designated shifts or timeframes to be in that driver’s seat, but instead can be unpredictable based on your circumstances.
Here’s how this would look for the example of Samantha, a project manager who’s arrived for a typical Tuesday at work:
At 9 a.m., a loud perfectionistic part tells her, “Don’t send that report until it’s flawless. We can’t risk looking unprepared.”
At 10 a.m., a bolder part nudges her, “Speak up in this meeting because you have something valuable to contribute.”
At 10:07 a.m., the perfectionistic part returns and immediately chastises her for speaking up so spontaneously without making sure she had it "exactly right"
At 11 a.m., a younger, anxious part whispers, “I’m overwhelmed. I wish I could hide or take a break.”
Before taking the parts work approach:
Samantha might not know about parts, never mind be able to identify which one is coming up and when. Instead, it can sound like conflicting thoughts battling for control and feeling a little exhausting as she moves through her day. She might find herself in a moment of anxiety in the morning, then feel energized midday and relieved about finding her confidence, only to doubt if it's all enough before she logs out for the day.
As this continues, Samantha gets used to it, and her protective parts may bounce between convincing her to overprepare and be better in any way she can, and shutting down into a scrolling sesh that prompts an extreme shopping habit when stress is just too much to handle.
After taking the parts work approach:
When Samantha sees the way her parts are coming out, she starts noticing what’s helping her be the person she wants to be at work and at home. She doesn’t change the parts, but can clearly realize, “Oh, that’s my anxious part needing me to be prepared,” or “That’s my ambitious part wanting me to grow, but I can feel I need rest right now.” Instead of pushing one down or letting another take over, she can bring her core Self (the chill, connected, compassionate leader inside) to guide them.
We know this can sound easier than it is in practice, and want to validate those inner voices (hello again protectors!) that want you to get this “right”, are afraid to change the way things have been, or worry you’ll lose control or ambition in the process.
When you notice any unease coming out, it’s helpful to remember that your authentic Self energy has always been within you, so instead of seeing it as losing parts of you that you value, you can see it as getting to know yourself on a deeper level and being fully and completely you as you find what balance may look like.
There’s no rush, and this work takes time, so give yourself that compassion and grace as you start to learn about parts work and apply it in your life.
How Parts Work Helps With Trauma, PTSD, Stress, and Anxiety
When something overwhelming or painful happens, we can usually see our most vulnerable parts (exiles) carrying the weight. They hold all the raw hurt, shame, or fear that might come from these moments and naturally want to keep that pain tucked away. To do that, other parts (your managers and firefighters) step in to save the day in the best ways they’ve learned how to.
The strategies our protective parts tend to use can feel exhausting or harsh, and parts work helps us notice them without judgment and understand how they come out under situations of stress, anxiety, or suppressing reactions to an incredibly challenging experience.
That might look like thanking your manager for its relentless effort to keep you on track, or showing some compassion for your firefighter’s late-night attempts to soothe anxiety by numbing it all out. And from there, maybe space opens to turn toward the exiled parts holding onto shame or a deep fear and choose to really see it as a part of you that deserves some tender care.
The more we allow our Self (core, calm, compassionate center) to lead the way through stress, anxiety, and processing trauma, we may notice that our protectors don’t have to work as hard, and our exiles can feel a bit more comfortable being heard and seen.
That’s the heart of healing in Parts Work: not forcing parts to change, but creating a safe internal space where every part is understood, respected, and gently unburdened. Over time, the goal is to see the nervous system calm, old wounds feel less raw, and life begins to feel more spacious and balanced.
Real-Life Benefits for High-Functioning Professionals
For professionals who are already hardworking and ambitious, Parts Work can be a game-changer:
Clarity in decisions: Instead of being stuck in endless inner debates (Should I say yes to this? Should I push harder or slow down?), you begin to notice which parts of you are weighing in and why. Decisions can feel clearer and less draining when you’re not caught in the tug-of-war.
Reduced self-criticism: That harsh inner voice that tells you you’re not doing enough starts to make a little bit more sense. When you see that it’s actually a protective part trying to shield you from failure or rejection, you might be able to see where it's coming from. And as that relationship softens, the criticism loses its sharp edge.
Stress management: Anxiety and stress often show up in managers and firefighters working overtime. As you learn to catch the early signs before things spiral, it’s much easier to respond in a way that feels thoughtful instead of reactive. Over time, you can see yourself spending less energy on putting out fires and more on living with balance.
Improved relationships: When your inner world feels calmer, that naturally expands outward to the rest of your life. You’re able to listen more clearly, communicate more openly, and respond with less defensiveness. Whether it’s in a tough meeting or a tender moment at home, imagine showing up in a way that feels more grounded and connected.
What Happens in a Parts Work Therapy Session?
Parts work may come up in your therapy and coaching sessions in many different ways based on the practitioner's guidance and what you need most. Generally, a parts work session feels less like “analysis” and more like an inner dialogue that is explored in the moment and helps you. Additionally, this part doesn’t follow a linear process, and while some sessions may include all the elements listed below, at other times simply making contact with an identified part is enough.
Identify parts: Notice the voices, impulses, or sensations that show up and how they feel or appear for you specifically.
Dialogue with them: We might have you ask questions from a curious place, “What are you trying to protect?” or “What do you wish I understood about you?”
Map relationships: We explore how your parts interact, and which parts you might notice in a particular moment, so we can build understanding as we go.
Access Self: Beyond the protective and exile parts, we’ll discover the calm, curious, compassionate presence that feels like you can be 100% yourself.
If you’re not sure if it’s the right time to step into therapy or coaching, we’ve got you covered.
When to Seek Parts Work Therapy
If you’re feeling curious, Parts Work can be an excellent topic to bring into your current therapy or coaching sessions, or even something meaningful to explore for the very first time. Many people find it especially helpful when they notice things like:
Conflicting inner voices make decisions difficult: That tug-of-war inside, where one part pushes you forward while another pulls you back, can feel exhausting. Parts Work helps you understand where those voices come from and why they care so much.
Chronic self-criticism or perfectionism: The inner critic might sound harsh, but often it’s just trying to keep you safe. Meeting it with compassion rather than resistance can ease the pressure to be perfect.
Stress or anxiety that feels unmanageable: When parts are stuck in overdrive, they can make everyday life feel overwhelming. Learning to work with them instead of against them helps bring your nervous system back to balance.
Old emotional patterns resurfacing: Sometimes wounds from the past show up in the present, even when we thought we’d “moved on.” Parts Work creates a safe way to revisit and gently heal those tender places.
Even a handful of sessions can spark meaningful shifts through more self-understanding, a softer inner dialogue, greater confidence, and a sense of calm.
-> Learn more about coming back to yourself if you’re feeling disconnected
Find Support to Bring Self-Understanding
It takes time to shift from fierce ambition and self-criticism that ends in exhaustion to a place where your grounded wisdom of Self can come in and lead each of those parts into its healthiest and most balanced role.
When we transform the inner conflict into clarity, resilience, and a more compassionate way of being with ourselves and with others, life can feel lighter and more fulfilling. We’re here to help you step into that space of curiosity in therapy and coaching at Modern Therapy. Know that you don’t have to prepare or memorize which parts are which, but instead come into an open mind about what drives you forward.
We’ll take it from there!
