How to Set Boundaries at Work Without the Guilt

Sep 26

You probably know how important boundaries are to maintain your work-life balance, but that doesn’t always mean they’re easy to set. We’re blessed with countless articles, podcasts, and TikToks that reiterate how good boundaries feel, and at the same time you’re not alone if you struggle to find the words or overcome a sense of guilt that comes with putting your foot down.

Not setting boundaries can look like saying “yes” to something that will keep you working all night instead of spending time recharging, replying to your boss’s late-night email because you don’t want them to question your commitment, or leaving your camera on to seem engaged during an endless Zoom call even though you’re wiped out and haven’t had a chance to eat all day.

The longer you’ve gone without healthy boundaries in place, the weirder it can feel to start. Sometimes that leads to bending to make people happy, going back on what you asked for, or never actually setting a boundary in the first place, while the inner tension grows.

We see you in this struggle about how, why, and when to set boundaries and want to empower you to find an approach to boundary setting that really resonates with you and your situation.

That’s why we’re digging into:

Why boundaries can feel so hard and lead to feelings of guilt or discomfort
The difference boundaries can make in how you show up at work and in life
How to set firm boundaries that people actually honor (with examples)
Signs your boundaries are being crossed
Tips to stick to your boundaries without guilt

Why boundaries are so hard for high-functioning professionals

There’s a reason why boundaries are so great yet not many people have them in place at work and that’s because they feel super unnatural and uncomfortable at times. It’s important to note that right up front so you don’t feel discouraged if you’re getting in your head about asking for what you need. Discomfort is an unfortunate, but inevitable companion for this ride.

Let’s normalize why workplace boundaries aren’t always straightforward:

Workplace cultures can reward availability: In so many industries, anyone who’s “always there” typically gets noticed and praised. Being available outside of work hours, taking on extra work, and answering quickly can translate to being a loyal, dependable, and promotable employee. So, of course, saying you’re unavailable or putting work to the side while you’re home can feel like breaking some kind of unspoken deal or falling behind.
A fear of being seen as difficult: In an effort not to become known as “that person” who is harder to reach, isn’t a team player, and is hard to work with, you might find yourself avoiding any type of boundary setting. The fear of how you’ll be perceived if you need to cut off work hours at a particular time of night or say no to something when you’re swamped can feel like too much of a risk. Even if you take this risk, you may be rewarded with feelings of guilt and shame around the idea of getting your needs met.
Self-worth gets tied to performance: When so much of your identity comes from being the one people can count on and succeeding in what you do, setting limits doesn’t just feel like disappointing others. It can feel like betraying yourself and questioning if you can still feel worthy without giving all of yourself (and more) to your work.
The myth of balance: Sometimes, balance is this idea that you should be able to hold everything from work to family, health, and relationships at once without mistake or misstep. It creates this unrealistic expectation, which can lead boundaries to seem like an open admission that you’re not strong enough.

Perfectionism and people-pleasing: High-achievers are usually familiar with the thought, “If I can do it, I should do it”. That mix of wanting to prove yourself and keep everyone happy can make it feel impossible to operate in any other way but constantly saying yes and overextending yourself.

Hopefully, this list helps build a deeper understanding of why we resist boundaries or feel unsure about how to move forward. If you resonate with that, it doesn’t mean you’re broken or weak, but instead that there’s a new opportunity to broaden your perspective and give yourself permission to try something new.

Why boundaries at work are essential for mental health

Here’s the truth: Operating at a high level and taking on more at work to be successful will always require some kind of boundary. That’s not just a nice idea—it’s biology and psychology. Humans weren’t designed to endlessly push without rest, structure, or guardrails. Think of it like driving a car: the faster you go, the more crucial the brakes, steering, and lane lines become. Boundaries aren’t restrictions; they’re what make forward momentum sustainable.

And yes, I can almost hear the high-achieving part of you asking, “But why, though? Can’t I just power through?” The short answer: not for long, at least not without cost. Without boundaries, overwork manifests as decision fatigue, burnout, strained relationships, or a creeping sense of dissatisfaction, regardless of how much you accomplish. Boundaries aren’t about doing less. They’re about protecting your capacity so you can keep doing what matters most.

Everyone’s version of this will look different because our responsibilities at work and at home vary. As you experiment, you’ll start to feel what kind of boundaries work best for the season of life you’re in. Whatever you land on, you’re not pulling back. You’re actually positioning yourself to thrive in your work, protect your mental health, and create more space for what truly lights you up.

Here’s what shifts at work when boundaries are in place:

Burnout is less likely

Without clear boundaries between work and rest, stress can continue building up until the weight is too heavy to carry. Your body and brain eventually give in, which is when many people experience burnout symptoms, such as irritability, persistent exhaustion, or apathy toward everything.

In fact, these moments can show you where boundaries need to be set most. For example, you might know that it’s inevitable that every quarter end, you’ll be swamped and working endless hours. Feeling burnout creeping in can serve as a signal to you to take a day off or build in more rest immediately before and after these chaotic periods to help you recharge.

Boundaries protect your relationships

You might know that feeling of resentment that builds when work is taking everything you’ve got and you’re riding the edge of burnout. That “I just don’t care anymore” mentality can strain relationships with coworkers, your boss, and other leaders across the organization.

It’s hard to avoid coming across disinterested, annoyed, or even mad in these moments. It’s not your fault when you’re running on empty, but it does take a toll on the connections you have at work, which can last well after you regulate your nervous system again.

Ever said “yes” to something while quietly wishing you had said “no”? That’s resentment waiting to happen. Boundaries clear that up. They make it possible to be honest, straightforward, and reliable without silently carrying frustration.

-> Let’s talk about communication under stress

Your energy can go to what matters

Without boundaries, your day can get eaten alive by other people’s needs. Sometimes it feels like things are going fine, but it’s hard to control the amount of time you need to sacrifice when someone needs you or a project lands to consume all of your time and energy.

Boundaries help you keep what’s important top of mind and create time in your day intentionally. Whether that’s not answering emails and calls until 9 am so you can spend breakfast and school drop off with your kids or letting your team know you’re out of office at 6 pm on the dot every Thursday so you can enjoy the pilates class you love, it can feel amazing to choose yourself for a little bit.

How to set firm boundaries (and 6 examples)

You may be realizing a mindset of boundary setting to protect your own well-being is worthwhile, but there's more to cover. Firm boundaries are the ones that get honored and respected well, while loose boundaries leave room for people to overstep and potentially override your needs over time.

To help you see the difference between a boundary that’s firm (clear, consistent, respectful) and one that’s loose (unclear, inconsistent, guilt-driven and full of ambiguity) we put together a few examples that compare them side by side.

Firm vs. loose boundary examples

Boundary focus: You want more clear lines about after-hours communication

Firm boundary: “I don’t check email after 7 p.m., but I’ll be back online first thing in the morning.”

The result: You protect your downtime, your team knows when they’ll hear from you, and your evenings are saved for what restores or excites you.

Loose boundary: You mention that you’re “trying not to check email at night,” but still peek at your inbox, responding here and there.

The result: Your brain never truly shuts off because you know people might think you saw their message, regardless of how late it comes in, and your rest time keeps getting skipped, which builds resentment and annoyance at work that seeps into each day.

Boundary focus: You’re stressed about taking on extra projects

Firm boundary: “I’d love to support this, but I’m at capacity right now. If it’s a priority, I’d love your thoughts on what we can shift off of my plate for now so I can take it on with full attention.”
The result: You stay focused on what matters most, and you model sustainable workload management while setting expectations that you only want to do your best and not give a half effort on things when your plate is too full.
Loose boundary: “Sure, I’ll figure it out” (even though you’re already stretched).
The result: You overextend, your performance slips, and you don’t know how you’re ever going to get it all done, which may impact your health, home life, and overall mood.

Boundary focus: You’re feeling the weight of meeting overload

Firm boundary: “I can join for 30 minutes, but I’ll need to leave at the half hour to stay on schedule.”

The result: People learn to use your time wisely, and you don’t spend your day trapped in endless calls.
Loose boundary: You block meetings on your calendar, but let people schedule over them when requests come in.

The result: Your priorities get hijacked, and deep work feels nearly impossible. You may also feel that much more guilty when you have to protect your time.

Boundary focus: You want to manage camera-on expectations

Firm boundary: “I’ll keep my camera on for smaller group meetings, but for large webinars I’ll listen in off-camera to stay focused.”
The result: You balance engagement with energy preservation, especially when you’re having back-to-back meetings that take away from your time to be productive.
Loose boundary: You keep your camera on no matter what, even when you’re drained.
The result: Zoom fatigue hits harder, and your engagement dips along with your overall mood because you know you really needed a moment to not be “on”.

Boundary focus: You want to protect your vacation time

Firm boundary: “I’ll be fully offline during my time away and every project update is here for anyone who needs it. Here’s who to contact while I’m out.”
The result: You actually rest knowing you set clear expectations, and your team knows who’s covering.
Loose boundary: You technically take time off, but tell your boss you’ll be checking still messages “just in case” and you’re reachable in an emergency.
The result: You come back just as tired as when you left, as checking in one morning turned into jumping into a project and working through your time off.

-> Learn more about the mental health benefits of travel that you can bring home

Boundary focus: You want to take daily breaks

Firm boundary: “I block 30 minutes for lunch every day where I’m going to step away. It helps me recharge and stay sharp.”
The result: You return to work with more focus, less irritability, and better stamina.
Loose boundary: You grab a snack at your desk between calls, but never really pause or log off.
The result: Your break can blend right into the next crisis, and you end your day potentially skipping lunch or never having a moment to reset your thoughts and energy.

The pattern here is that firm boundaries help create clarity, trust, and long-term value as people learn what you need to thrive in your workplace. Loose boundaries may be easier to communicate in the moment, but the result often looks like exhaustion, resentment, and the same cycles that eventually lead to burnout.

For those who come from cultures or families where the group’s needs are always prioritized over the individual’s, boundary-setting can feel especially complicated. There’s often a fear that saying what you need might disrupt harmony or come across as selfish. But here’s the reframe: speaking your needs clearly actually supports the system you care about.

When you show up resourced and grounded, you can contribute more fully to your team, your family, or your community. Being “loosey goosey” with your boundaries doesn’t just cost you, but it can also ripple out and make it harder for others to know how to support you. In that way, taking care of yourself is one of the most generous things you can do.

How to recognize when your work boundaries are being crossed

You might be thinking about your own boundaries and not be totally sure if they’re firm enough. Sometimes it's obvious when people are crossing your boundaries, and others it's subtle and creates a pattern of not getting your needs met in the way you’d like.

10 common signs your boundaries might be slipping:

You feel a wave of dread or irritation when a colleague approaches you, knowing they’ll ask for something you don’t have time for.
You’re working late most nights (without acknowledgment) and can’t remember the last time you ended the day on time.
Your boss expects instant responses outside of work hours, and you find yourself checking messages at dinner or before bed.
Coworkers drop last-minute requests on you, assuming you’ll pick them up, and you do because it feels easier than saying no.
You volunteer to fix mistakes or cover gaps that aren’t yours, because you don’t want to look unhelpful.
You rarely take real breaks, eating at your desk or skipping lunch altogether just to keep up.
Your calendar is wide open for anyone to book, leaving you with back-to-back meetings and no deep work time.
You soften your communication with “sorry” or “just checking” language, even when you’ve done nothing wrong.
You feel guilty about using vacation time, or worse, you take it but still check emails the whole week.
You’ve become the “go-to person” for everything, but instead of feeling valued, you mostly feel drained.

Examples of boundary violations at work:

A colleague repeatedly interrupts your focus time despite clear signals that you need uninterrupted work periods.
A manager emails you late at night, expecting an immediate response, blurring the line between work and personal time.
A teammate delegates unfinished tasks to you before leaving for vacation, assuming you’ll pick up the extra load without question.
Someone pressures you to attend social events outside of work after you’ve already said no, making personal time feel optional.
You’re asked to take on work outside your role simply because you’re seen as capable, creating role creep and overextension.

Recognizing these moments helps you respond earlier, before resentment or burnout takes root.

3 tips to stick to your boundaries when guilt shows up

Guilt is a familiar feeling when setting boundaries, especially when you notice yours being overstepped. Here are three practical ways to hold your boundaries without backsliding.

1. Use the 4 C’s to guide you

Boundaries hold best when they’re built on:

Clarity: Be specific so instead of saying, “I’m not sure,” or “I don’t think I can”, try, “I’m at capacity right now,” or “I won’t be able to right now.” Clear boundaries leave less room for negotiation.
Consistency: The first time you bend your boundary, you’ve taught others that your “no” is flexible. Keep reinforcing the line until it becomes second nature for both you and them.
Compassion: Boundaries (and most things!) land better when they’re delivered respectfully, and finding a way to honor the other person’s need while still honoring your own can combat the guilty feeling. Think: “I can see how important this is. Do you have flexibility for me to jump in tomorrow morning instead of tonight?”
Confidence: If you’re not confident in what you’re asking for, people can take that as an opening to negotiate. Your needs are not an inconvenience, so it’s okay to be direct and empowered as you’re expressing your own limits.

Practice opportunity: Try to think of one personal “non-negotiable” boundary at work (e.g., “No email after 7 p.m.”) and practice communicating it with all four C’s.

2. Reframe guilt as growth

Guilt doesn’t always mean that what you’re doing is wrong (confusing right??), but instead may just mean you’re fearing what the outcome may be in the case of setting a boundary that feels new for you. For many high-achievers, guilt often appears when they stop people-pleasing or over-delivering.

What if we chose to see that discomfort as your nervous system adjusting, and not as a sign that something isn’t right? And as you notice guilt comes up, you don’t have to shove it away. Instead, try naming it: “I’m feeling guilty because I’m not doing what I usually do.” Then bring a compassionate lens: “This guilt is actually proof I’m stretching into something healthier.”

Practice opportunity: The next time you feel guilty for saying “no,” try thinking about the ways that “no” is serving your wellbeing. For example, “I’ll be more rested tomorrow,” “This lets me focus on my priorities,” or “I won’t resent this person later”). Seeing the benefits on paper might help you exhale a bit on the intention behind your boundary.

3. Script it once, then re-use it

The hardest part of holding a boundary is often finding the right words in the moment. Having a loose “script” or guiding language in your back pocket can help you stay calm and communicate clearly.

Examples might include:

To a boss:

“I know this is important, and I want to give it my full attention. I’ll be able to tackle it first thing tomorrow morning so that I can deliver my best work.”
“I want to make sure I do this right. I’ll focus on it tomorrow when I can dedicate my full attention.”

To a colleague:

“I’d love to help, but my plate is full right now. Can we explore another solution or timeline?”
“I can’t take this on immediately, but here’s what I can do…”
“I want to support you, but I need to finish X first. Can we adjust the plan?”

To yourself (self-talk):

“I’m done for the day. Resting now helps me show up better tomorrow.”
“I won’t check email tonight—this break is part of working sustainably.”
“Taking this time for myself isn’t selfish. It’s what keeps me effective.”

Practice opportunity: Choose one or two phrases that feel close to your natural language or that you think you could see yourself saying, then add them to your notes app on your phone for easy access as you run into a situation where a boundary has to be set. Over time, you can make them your own and find the language that flows.

The more you practice, the less guilt runs the show. Over time, boundaries become less about keeping people away and more about keeping yourself steady.

Feeling supported in boundaries and managing work stress

If you find it especially hard to set boundaries without guilt, you don’t have to figure it out alone. Therapy and coaching can help you build confidence, practice scripts, and release the weight of always having to be the dependable one.

Because the truth is: you don’t have to do it all to prove your worth. You’re already enough.

Learn more about therapy and coaching at MT

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