5 Meaningful Ways to Honor Loved Ones Around the Holidays (and Beyond)
The holidays can have a way of stirring up moods and feelings we may not have been expecting, especially if we’re missing a loved one who made this time of year so memorable in the past. For anyone moving through grief, loss, or longing for connection this year, know that you are so held.
For some, the schedule picks up in the last few months of the year; for others, it slows down. Sometimes, those quiet aching moments show up without warning, regardless of how busy we are, reminding us of an absence that can feel even sharper. We also want to validate that loss doesn’t have to mean someone we know well has passed. Our hearts also go out to those experiencing grief associated with fertility, pet grief, divorce or breakup, estrangement, aging individuals, and the collective grief of tragedy in the news.
Grief during a season of get-togethers and traditions might have you laughing one minute and tearing up the next. Maybe you feel guilty for enjoying yourself, or guilty for not enjoying yourself enough. Or you may just wonder why it still hits so hard, even after all this time.
If that sounds familiar, we can gently remind ourselves that grief doesn’t have an expiration date. In fact, it can usually change and soften, but never entirely vanish. And around the holidays, those reminders like smells, sounds, songs, rituals, decorations, and meals can bring it right back.
You are the expert in what you need when grief is present at various levels, but if finding ways to honor loved ones in your own way can support that sense of connection, we’re here to help. Intentionally honoring people, animals, memories, or a transition you’re in is like saying, “You’re still part of my story, it just looks different now.”
Below are five ways to do that, with ideas and reflection moments to help you navigate holiday grief in a way that feels most supportive. See how you feel, what resonates, and know that these same tools can be used for milestones, birthdays, or anniversaries throughout the year, too.
5 ways to honor loved ones during the holidays
1. Start with a mini ritual
A ritual to honor a loved one doesn’t need to be anything huge or daunting. It’s important to ask yourself honestly, “What do I have capacity for, and what is my comfort level this year?”
A small gesture with the intention to celebrate, remember, accept, or transition can still leave a big impression. So, maybe this year you think about a mini ritual that you can start and build on year after year in a way that meets you where you are.
Here are a few ideas to inspire you:
Place a single flower in a favorite cup or vase that reminds you of them, and sit with it while sipping your morning coffee, working, or enjoying a festive treat.
Make a “memory playlist” with songs that remind you of the (can be festive or not) and add a new track each year that reflects your feelings as time goes on.
Incorporate a candle into your decorations that you can light when you want to dedicate a moment to remember.
Write a letter to someone you’re missing, and seal it in an envelope with the date and a few simple words or a theme such as “gratitude and grief”, creating a bundle you can add to each year and keep in a special place.
Remember, the heart of a ritual is in its personal meaning so there’s no wrong way to go about this as long as you feel a little bit more connected and present.
2. Bring their story to a physical form
Storytelling is such an important way to remember, reflect, understand, and honor someone or a part of your life. It’s great to start conversations that share these stories, and you can also get creative about other ways to turn these memories into something meaningful you can hold onto.
Here are some ideas to turn a story into something you can hold and interact with:
Choose a recipe or favorite meal that represents a special memory and recreate it to share with someone else.
Create a scrapbook or collage featuring any photos, ticket stubs, handwritten notes, or other familiar symbols that capture a certain time.
Write a short story, cluster of key words, or poem you can keep with you to reflect on when you need a slow moment of presence.
Get crafty by turning an old sweater, blanket, tie, or other fabric that was once theirs into something new you can cherish for years to come (like a stuffed animal, quilt, framed fabric, gloves, or table runner
These ideas can give you something to hold close or share with others, representing a meaning that you can create and craft into every step.
3. Invent a living tradition that evolves with you
A “living tradition” honors both the past and your present life. It’s a way to take the legacy, values, and heart of someone else and bring it into a new tradition that can live on.
Here are some ideas:
Create a memory map, where you can mark places that mattered most to a loved one and visit those spots each year to bring new memories to those places (imagine taking your future child with you, taking pictures to capture your new haircut, or taking note of how places evolve in time)
Start a “pay-it-forward” tradition to honor kindness, leaving little notes, treats, or acts of kindness in unexpected places for strangers or friends to find throughout the season.
Light a lantern, or floating candle to signify a value they held (respect, strength, trust) and all the ways you’ve lived it out this year, releasing it as a reminder of the ongoing commitment you’re making to it.
The beauty of a living tradition is that it allows you to look back and intentionally remember something important to you, while honoring how you’re growing.
4. Make space for emotion in unexpected ways
A tricky part of any grief experience is that emotions are unpredictable at times. The more you can honor the way you feel as the holiday season or other important times of the year go on, the more you can honor the relationship you had with someone else.
Sometimes we judge ourselves or stop certain behaviors from gaining our full permission to be there because there’s some messaging that a loved one wouldn’t want us feeling this way. At the same time, we’re human and having a range of emotions is part of feeling an authentic connection.
Here’s a look at ideas that create space for all emotions:
Create a grief playlist that includes tears, laughter, and songs that capture both missing and celebrating someone as you allow any reactions to happen naturally (crying, dancing, singing along).
Set a timer for five minutes to write, speak, or even shout your feelings without controlling what comes out, then release it with a symbolic gesture like crumpling the paper and tossing it.
Use movement intentionally as a way to process anything that’s coming up, especially when you can’t quite name the emotions present. This could be more intense movement or something slow and soothing, based on what your body really needs.
It’s so important that we don’t push grief down, but instead honor the experience itself as a way to validate the care and love we have for someone or something in our lives that’s changed.
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5. Lean into community
Grief can make the world feel both too quiet and too loud at the same time. One powerful way to honor a loved one is by gently inviting others into the remembering through simple moments of connection that lighten the emotional load and help you feel less alone.
Community can hold memories with you, witness your love, and create space for shared stories to breathe.
Here are a few ideas to help you weave community into your remembrance:
Create a group text or message thread with a few close people who also cared about your loved one. Share a photo, a quote, or one quirky thing you still associate with them as a memory thread.
During a holiday meal or gathering, set aside five minutes for anyone who wants to share a short memory, lesson, or inside joke. Keep it light, brief, and optional to maintain the authenticity.
Get involved with a group of others who may be experiencing similar grief, whether that be a caretaker group, a grief circle at a local church, or an online community centered around those who have lost a loved one.
Seek out a charity that feels aligned to your own loss, getting to know others who commit themselves to the cause and are doing amazing things to change lives in the future.
Inviting your community into your grief can include tiny shared moments that help you feel held, understood, and connected to the legacy your loved one left behind.
Taking care of you during these times
Sensing an absence around the holidays can feel heavy, and it’s easy to forget that you matter in all of it, too. Honoring our loved ones is such a beautiful way to support a flood of feelings, and you can also turn to self-care and notice your needs with permission to meet them.
Especially when you’re used to being the “strong one”, it can feel strange to turn toward yourself. Let’s talk about what it looks like to soak in guilt-free time to nurture you.
Give yourself permission to step back
It can be grounding to remind yourself that you don’t owe anyone a polished or festive version of yourself right now. If a gathering feels like too much, it’s okay to decline or slip out early without explaining your grief to everyone. Choosing the environments that feel supportive (and stepping away from the ones that don’t) is an act of care for both you and the people who want the best for you.
Create little moments of comfort
Comfort can be as simple as sitting by a window with a warm drink, pulling a blanket over your shoulders before you’re fully awake, or lighting a candle for no one but yourself. These small pockets of softness remind your nervous system that it’s allowed to settle, even if only for a moment.
Journal your needs and feelings
When everything feels blurry or overwhelming, putting a few words on paper can help you understand your emotional landscape. Try asking yourself, “What do I need right now, even if it feels small or impossible?” It could be rest, companionship, quiet, distraction, fresh air, comfort food, or whatever surfaces deserve to be acknowledged.
Ask for support
Reaching out can be texting a friend, “Can you sit with me for a bit?” or telling someone, “I don’t need any solutions, I just need company.” Letting others show up for you doesn’t minimize your grief; it honors it by making space for care, connection, and steadiness.
Embracing hope: Defining this season on your terms
The holidays don’t have to look like anyone else’s version of celebration or mourning. This is where you get to create what balances remembrance, real emotion, and joy. It’s a blend of honoring the past while being fully present in the life you’re living now.
It’s okay not to have the answers or a perfect plan, and we don’t want you to walk away thinking you need to implement one or any of these ideas. Instead, we hope you leave a little more free, knowing that the way you’re feeling called to honor this moment, this year, is precisely what is best for you.
Remember to trust your instincts and allow for some imperfection along the way as you figure out what feels most impactful deep in your heart. If you or anyone close to you needs more space to talk openly about grief and process feelings (new or existing), know that your Modern Therapy team is always here.
